Arguing in good faith means knowing you might be wrong, but our economic system strongly discourages this openness to doubt.

I never set out to be wrong, but I've learned to enjoy the surprise and delight that comes from realizing I should change my mind. Most people can relate to the satisfaction of being right about something. It feels so good to have that click, that feeling of completion. Likewise, it's pretty horrible to have to admit we're wrong. There's a sinking feeling, a deflation, and it can often tip into shame and defensiveness. But being in a growth mindset means that you can enjoy this process. There's a deeper joy that comes from knowledge that is hard-won, and it's why approaching any problem in good faith rewards you whether you turn out to be right or wrong.

Unfortunately, our economic system does seem to reward overconfidence and denial, rather than caution and honesty. For example, men tend to apply for jobs when they meet 60 percent of the criteria listed, while women hold off unless they meet 100 percent. (https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-qualified, downloaded July 11, 2024). That is one reason (among many) that there is a gender wage gap - you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. On the U.S. Supreme Court, two current justices were credibly accused of sexual harassment during their confirmation processes. Both were confirmed to lifetime appointments and are exempt from ethics rules that apply to the rest of the federal judiciary. Of the U.S. Senators accused of sexual harassment, only Al Franken admitted he was wrong and resigned. With these examples, is it any wonder people might hesitate to express doubt? Better to try to brazen it out and double down on denials.

The rest of us lose when we allow people to get away with this. But I'd also argue that the supposed winners of this process are also hurt when they lie for the sake of winning. They need to live their lives with the secret shame of the lie, burying it deeper and deeper in their souls. Worse, because you are supposed to be happy about getting the reward, the possibility of admitting error later becomes even more shameful. Carrying that weight means suppressing the negative feelings, and you can't suppress only part of the spectrum of feelings. It will eventually deaden your sensitivity to feeling anything, and you will rob yourself of any possibility of joy. You become alienated from yourself. You become defensive, and prickly, and feel compelled to double down again, repeating the cycle of error and shame and feeling trapped by the rewards. It's a tragedy all around, both for the people you hurt with your power and what you do to yourself.

Admitting an error after the fact is possible, but it becomes harder the longer you put it off. Far better to be an adult and admit doubt. Approach problems in good faith at the start, prevent that shame spiral, and feel joy and satisfaction whether you are right or wrong.